Imitation of Life

The following is a semi-fictional account of a meeting at a certain someone's office. The names of the principals have been changed to protect the innocent and hide the guilty. Their names have been changed to the names of characters from The Office (US version), because the similarities are uncanny.
Some of this is made up. Most of it isn't.
(ASIDE: Is there an IT guy in The Office? I can't remember one, and Google isn't helping me. Whatever. I've inserted an IT guy and named him Simon.)

Mixed Signals

Michael
As some of you may know, corporate is implementing a new standard operating procedure that will be more organized and efficient. For example, instead of hunting down or calling up Simon in IT, you will just send an email to Pam, requesting to book a time with Simon so your computer can be fixed.

Pam
Wait, how are people supposed to email me if their computers are down?

Michael
Excellent question. Thank you for bringing that up, Pam. It brings me to my next point: forward-thinking. Don’t let your computer get to the point where it needs special care. Be proactive. If you notice something wrong, fix it right away.

Jim
So… if my computer stops working, I should just email Pam?

Michael
That is correct. We can work through these problems efficiently, people. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. OK, moving on. Our next topic is about going green.
(distributes a handout)
What you’re holding is a detailed outline of our ‘Go Green or Go Home’ program. It tells you all about saving energy, reducing waste, saving paper and all that Mother Earth stuff.

Jim
Michael, this is 23 pages long.

Michael
And every page of it is important if we’re serious about saving Mother Nature.

Pam
I thought it was Mother Earth.

Michael
No it wasn’t.

Jim
I think it was.

Michael
Well, I meant Mother Nature. Ok, we’re not focusing on the bigger picture, folks.

Jim
But, Michael, you could have just emailed us a document instead of printing off several single-sided handouts.

Michael
My email is down. Oh, that reminds me. Simon, I need your IT help in my office.

Pam
I’m sorry, Michael, but that’s actually not allowed under our standard operating procedure. You’ll probably want to email me first so I can coordinate with Ryan.

Michael
Really? But… my email’s down.

Pam
I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules around here.



Yes, this is only semi-fictional.