Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Top 5 Things I Learned From Ryan Gosling

Hey girl, I know this blog post is a day late, but... I promise to make it up to you. Hopefully today.

Right. I think the title explains the first half of this post pretty well, so why go throgh an extensive preamble?

From "F*** Yeah! Ryan Gosling" to "Feminist Ryan Gosling" to "Librarian Ryan Gosling", this dude really gets around. this is some of the information I've gleaned through his ubiquity.

1) F*** Yeah, Ryan Gosling can laugh at memes of himself
Oh, he knows about the memes. And he enjoys them. So, it's nice that he's laid-back enough to see the humour in the admittedly ridiculous posts.

2) If you're thirsty, it's too late. You're already dehydrated.
I did not know that. I'm too lazy to check Men's Health or Google, but that's an interesting fact. He says it more towards the end of the segment. Also, now we know that it is possible to ride a stationary bike with Ellen DeGeneres in a onesie--a pajama with feet--and still be charming. All you need to do is keep your cool, make some witty repartes, laugh at yourself, and buy the audience onesies. Simple.

3) Analog watches are cool
It was a brief but notable detail in Drive. Gosling's unnamed character drives the getaway car for crooks, but he only gives them five minutes to get in and out of whatever break-in they're staging. If they're a second late, he'll leave. So. what does he use to time them? A simple, plain-faced analog watch. I'm pretty sure getaway drivers in ye olden days of the 1800s had more sophisticated watches. But you know what? Something about using that minimalist watch looked a lot cooler than a digital or more bulked-up stopwatch would have. It was classy.

4) Chewing a toothpick is not
On the other hand, the character's habit of chewing toothpicks probably won't catch on with too many guys. It's an affectation that brings to mind the tough guys of yore, from cowboys to gangsters of the Prohibition era to the tough cops of Steve McQueen's heyday. Yet the toothpick was meant to pick teeth, and I find it hard to believe that most people would be able to look at someone chewing on a toothpick without thinking of the morsels of uneaten food possibly lodged in that person's teeth. Gross.

5) You can have a body that looks Photoshopped, and still not get named People's Sexiest Man Alive
Let's face it. Gosling was everywhere this year. He was in seemingly every other movie, he was on magazine covers, and he was helping feminists and librarians all over the internet. He was even breaking up fights in the street. When Emma Stone in Crazy, Stupid, Love exclaimed "You look Photoshopped," women in movie theatres nodded their heads, while guys made mental notes to start doing more sit-ups and wear bulkier sweaters. And Gosling STILL didn't win People's yearly award. You'd have to think this was Gosling's best shot. How will he top this year?


I'm a little sick of typing Ryan Gosling. Have a great day. I'm done. Ryan Gosling.

Now I'm done.


Song of the Week: Punching in A Dream, by The Naked and Famous
I like another song of theirs, Young Blood. This song is here for me at the right time, being an appropriate mix of rock, dance, pop, and a sort of late summer feel. Give it a whirl if you haven't already.


Ahem. Just not the same, is it?


bryesque said...

Wild coincidence: I heard "Young Blood" for the first time exactly an hour before you posted this.

(Ryan Gosling.)

mel said...

Lol amazing post.
If you're feeling jealous, I think all you have to do is pull out some scenes from Breaker High.

Nic Boshart said...

ACTUALLY, that thirst thing isn't true. Think about it, animals don't drink before they're thirsty; thirst is an alarm from your body, a highly evolved warning system.

ibeeeg said...

Funny post, but I must admit...I had to google Ryan Gosling because I had no clue who he is.

I like the song, the video is a bit wild. Music videos, in general, for the most part fascinate me, and I often wonder what goes on in the minds of those who come up with the concepts.

Errant Knave said...

bryesque, I love Young Blood. I noticed I posted the video to THAT instead of to Punching in A Dream. I don't think I caught that error before you commented. Whoops.

mel, thank you, but do you know that I've never seem Breaker High? Just one of the things I missed during my homeschooling days, I'm sure.

Nic, I decided to get to the bottom of this. Thanks to the folks at Google, typing in "are you already dehydrated" was enough to get a bunch of results on this very topic. Most of the first results seem to agree with RG, but your point makes sense. Would the internet lie to me?

ibeeeg, the one music video director I know writes up treatments and submits them for consideration. It can be completely different than anything the artist might have imagined using. (Actually, film school grads Bry and Mel know waaay more about this than I do. Check their blogs for insight.)

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